"Though it had been a few years since I was told I presented myself as "Ann from Little Britain”, I am still, in more subtle ways nowadays, led to feel as unacceptable in my current state as a man impersonating a frumpily dressed woman in pastel pink. Makeup is not a habit of mine, and though I am told I am beautiful, I am also made aware of how my beauty would be enhanced by makeup and therefore was in need of it. The same followed with jewellery- earrings of particular importance with my short hair. After having told my mother that my earlobe holes likely have begun to close, she told me she’d make new ones. (God forbid I wear clip-ons (resembling pierced earrings worn by other bridesmaids) at my younger sister’s wedding next year.) My preferences for neutral colours and thrifted, older (often better made) clothing, though, too, more subtle now, also remains subject to words concerned about such things. I was told that I’d been getting away with things (presenting myself as I’d wanted) and I said, I’m 31, I should be getting away with “things”…. and my older sister said that it wasn’t like I was this 11 year old girl…" (New Years Day expressive ramblings formerly on my blog - it's exhausting, sometimes; I think often I shouldn't write any more about it, that I should just do what I want with myself and block out what's said about it and not give those words another thought, but then I end up rambling about them again as though I am still a teen/still dependent young adult with a weak sense of agency/power) Dorris Wedding low-v backless cocktail party wears